Time to Heal
by Eye of the Hawk
Summary: Murrue goes to make amends with a family
1. Healing

Time to Heal

DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything pertaining to the Gundam franchise.

Murrue Ramius stood outside the door to a nice little house in Georgia; despite the unbearable humidity she was terrified to enter the house. She knew about the home because she and her old friends had once discussed where their families lived. Murrue had made sure she remembered each location because it would have been her job to tell their families if the unthinkable happened. Fortunately, she had little of these meetings to do, but each one ate at her soul.

This one, she knew, would be a little different; it would help heal her heart. She had felt torn about this death since it had happened, over three years ago. The Atlantic Federation had finally lifted the ban on all the members of the Archangel passes into the nations that made up the Federation. Murrue was relieved when she had read the letter of notification; she could go and see not only her family, but the families of her friends. She knew this family would probably shoot her for just coming to their house. She looked at the mailbox again and reread the name on the box, _Badgiruel_. Damn, she thought, this was going to be really hard.

AN: I thought of this story when Destiny came out. I wondered if Murrue ever felt guilty about killing Natarle. The next chapter will have dialogue and will be longer. This is my first story so any comments and reviews will be much appreciated. Please review.


	2. The Hard Part, Part I

Chapter 2: The Hard Part

DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything pertaining to the Gundam franchise.

For Murrue, commanding a battleship and fighting to preserve the peace is easy compared to the task at hand. She stood at the door, the only thing separating her from the family that my hate her with all their being, and then knocked. She had thought she knew what she was going to say, hell it was in the briefcase in her hands, but now she can't seem to remember a single word. She tried to think about it, but her thought process was interrupted when a woman opened the door.

"Hello. Do I know you?" The woman asked, she had the same violet colored eyes as Natarle, but she had long black hair.

"You don't know me, but I worked with your daughter, Natarle. She was an amazing soldier and woman," Murrue said. Natarle's mother's eyes watered at the mention of her daughter's name.

"I'm sorry I didn't get your name, Natarle rarely talked about her work but did mention a few of her friends." The woman said, her eyes were about to overflow and Murrue's heart broke over causing this woman more suffering.

"My name is Murrue Ramius, I work with your daughter when she –"Murrue's sentence was cut off as the woman slammed the door practically in her face.

She knew this would probably happen and to tell the truth she didn't blame them. In fact, she expected worse. She turned around and started the walk back to her car. When she reached her car a voice called out to her.

"Ma'am, hold on just a minute, please." A voice called out to her, she turned to see a man with greying violet hair and blue eyes rushing towards her.

"Well, I am going guess that your wife told you who I am," Murrue said, she was terrified at what this man could do to her. She remembered that Natarle said her dad was Special Forces.

"She did, but she didn't tell me why you are here, so I am going to ask you that," the man said.

"I came here to try to make amends with your family," Murrue told him, her eyes watering as she remembered how much pain she caused this family.

"If you are going to try to get forgiveness for my daughter's death, then you need to talk with both me and my wife. If you come back tomorrow, I will try to convince my wife to listen to you," he said.

He stood in front of Murrue, his shoulders squaring, eyes hardening, subconsciously going to the position of attention. The former soldier in front of her just went back into soldier mode, Murrue knew that she had just been given an order; it was not a request as it came off as. Even if it was an "order", Murrue knew that this was tearing at him and causing him pain.

"Sir, I appreciate this, thank you so much," Murrue bowed to him, she wondered if she would ever be able to do such an honorable thing.

"I will see you at 0800, Murrue," he turned to leave, his eyes watering up, memories of his daughter popping up in his head.

AN: Well everyone that read it I hoped you enjoyed it, but please review. It is the only way to improve the story. YAY! My first review, thank you Byron Lancaster. Also there is a poll on my profile please cast your vote on Natarle's parent's names or put in your review if you have any other ideas. The next chapter will be the talk between Natarle's father and mother.


	3. Foregiveness?

First thing first, thank you Byron Lancaster and kookith for your reviews. Second, I went with Elizabeth and Charles for Natarle's parent's name. Now enjoy the chapter.

Chapter 3: Forgiveness?

DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything pertaining to the Gundam franchise.

* * *

While heading upstairs to see his wife, Charles looked at the pictures lining the walls. He saw pictures of him and his wife back when they first got married, of Natarle as a baby, and Natarle's graduation from boot camp and high school, each picture felt like a stab to the heart. The last picture they had of Natarle had been one of her standing in front for her chair on the _Dominion_, it had been taken done after they had been informed of her death.

**FLASHBACK TO THREE YEARS AGO**

_Charles had walked to the door after hearing the knock, hoping his little girl would be standing at the door. He had heard the news report stating that the war was finally over, deep inside he felt like it was just wrong there was no way it would be over without one side killing another off. It was just how he felt. He despised Blue Cosmos because they started the war, the war that his daughter went to go fight in. _

_The news report failed to say anything about any of the Atlantic Federation's ships. __For all they knew Natarle could be-_

_"Charles, what are you doing standing there, " his wife Elizabeth asked, her eyes showed that she was worried._

_Charles opened the door, on the porch stood two men in the Earth Alliance uniform. Both he and wife knew what this meant, it meant that their little girl would never be coming home, she was gone. _

_"This is the Badgiruel residence, correct?" One of the men said, the other man, a chaplain, couldn't meet their eyes. He knew that the next few sentences would shatter this family's normal life, that their eyes would show a haunted look. _

_"Yes sir, please come in. What can I do for you," Charles said. He knew what this visit was about, but hoped that it may be about something else._

_"It is about your daughter, Natarle. I am sorry to tell you that she has been killed in the line of duty. Her ship was disabled after a small battle with the _Archangel_, and later it was destroyed by the Archangel. There was nothing she could have done the weapons system was down. If there is anything I can do for you please let me know," the chaplain said to them, his hands reaching for Elizabeth's and Charles's. _

_"I have a question, sir. Who is the captain of the Archangel, because I thought it was destroyed at JOSH-A," Charles asked, anger could be heard in his voice._

_"The captain is Murrue Ramius, she and the rest of the crew went AWOL at JOSH-A. She is believed to have been the one to have been in command in the final battle." The other man spoke this time, unlike the chaplain, his words were not in a soft tone._

_After an hour, the two men left the grieving family. Cries of anguish could be heard from the little house. Life as they knew it would never be the same, their only child would never come home, and their little girl was dead. There would be no body in the casket, just a simple, empty casket in the ground._

_**END FLASHBACK BACK IN PRESENT TIME**_

Charles reached the bedroom, Elizabeth had already been in the bed, but she was not asleep. He approached the bed, trying to think of the words to say to his wife. It is one thing to for them to talk to the woman, but it was totally different for them to forgive the woman who killed their daughter in cold blood.

"You talked to that woman, Charlie," Elizabeth asked. She hated the fact that he would talk to that woman, the murderer.

"I did, Beth. She wants forgiveness. The fact that she-"

"She killed our daughter. How can we forgive her? Natarle was just doing her job, she was serving her country. She didn't deserve to be killed for it!" Elizabeth shouted, as her eyes watered, and rose in the bed. Charles could feel the anger that seeped through her words.

"Natarle knew that anything could happen to her. She knew the risks that would be associated with her work with the Alliance," Charles stated. He could still remember the day she said that she wanted to join the military. Yes, she knew the risks and it didn't bother her one bit.

"That woman was her friend. Why in the hell would her 'friend' do something like that to her? Her ship was disabled; she was out of the fight. Why would that bitch do that to her! " Elizabeth yelled, remembering the anguish that followed after they learned about Natarle's death.

"Perhaps if you listened to her long enough then you could have found out why. The Earth Alliance lied about the Peacemaker Unit, who knows what else they lied about. We can sit with her and learn what really happened. We can learn things from her perspective; we can have the answers to those questions you asked." Charles knew that the military often lied to protect their own asses. He only hoped that what Murrue would tell them would be able to put their hearts at ease.

"Elizabeth, you must know this, Murrue's heart is heavy with grief, something that a killer wouldn't show. Please, Beth, just listen to her. This is the only way to ease all of our hearts." Charles pleaded with his wife, hoping that she will see reason, for all their sakes.

**AT A LOCAL HOTEL**

Murrue lay in the bed, unable to sleep, thinking about what lead her to come to this small town in Georgia. Who would have guessed that the same ship that launched the kill shot for Natarle would have the truth to her death?

* * *

**FLASHBACK THREE MONTHS AGO**

_"Captain, when going through the ship's database we discovered a video. The video entered the database on September 27, CE 71," Arnold Neumann, looking terrified, said._

_Murrue was very disturbed. September 27, CE 71 was the day that she lost two of her closest friends, Mu and Natarle. Mu came back but Natarle would never see her family again. What would that video have on it that would have Arnold so scared._

_"What is on it, Arnold?"_

_"Captain, you might not want to watch it. I watched it. It is really bad." Arnold, ever the protector, said. _

_"Damn it, Arnold. Tell me what is on the damn video," Murrue yelled, not because she was mad, she was scared._

_"It is from the Dominion, Ma'am." _

To Be Continued_  
_

AN: Well, my first cliffhanger. I am kinda getting used to this. YAY! Please read and review. I need to know problems so that I can find a solution. Thanks kookith, CrimsonHowl, and Byron Lancaster for your reviews


	4. Giving up the Ghost

Time to Heal

Over 100 hits and less than ten reviews, is there something wrong here or is it just my imagination. I am getting less hits as the chapters add up.

Chapter 4: Giving up the Ghost

DISCLAIMER: I do not own anyfthing pertaining to the Gundam franchise.

**PRESENT TIME**

Murrue woke at 5 am, she couldn't go back to sleep for the life of her. Her laptop was on the nightstand next to her. The video that Arnold Neumann found months ago was on the hard drive. Even without the computer, Murrue remembered every second of the video. She was still contemplating showing the video to Natarle's parents, their emotions might be mixed. She clicked on the video and watched for the hundredth time or so. She still needed to decide what to do, either just talk or show the video. Both would shake up Natarle's parent's lives again.

**TWO HOURS LATER**

Charles heard a knock on the door; he knew that Murrue had finally shown up. This visit could help heal some damage done to his family or it could just tear it apart again. He opened the door, Elizabeth behind him, and let Murrue inside their house. Once they were settled they all knew the hard part was about to start.

"Ma'am, Sir, I would just like to say that I am truly sadden by Natarle's death. She was a great soldier and a good friend of mine. Even with our disagreements, without Natarle on the Archangel we would have died very early in the war," Murrue said. She knew that her words would never make things alright.

"What happened in that battle," Elizabeth asked. Her husband had convinced her that what they had been told was too simple.

Murrue proceeded to tell them about everything from meeting Natarle at the Mendel Colony, seeing Azrael on the bridge, him taking control, to the battles at Boaz and Yakin Due. She told them about Mu's "death" and the reason that she fired on the already heavily damaged Dominion. She told them about the grief she felt after she fired the shot. She realized that she killed one of her closest friends in cold blood.

"Then Mu came back, but his memories didn't. At the end of the Second Bloody Valentine War Mu regained a majority of his memories. After a few months my guilt returned, I realized that Natarle died that day because I wanted revenge for Mu's death. Her blood was on my hands and I needed closure. Then I found a little bit of closure," Murrue told the grieving parents. Tears were running down their faces.

Charles and Elizabeth were happy to hear the truth, but still sad. They were sad that their daughter had died thinking that her friend hated her. They finally knew that Natarle was emotional torn between the oath she swore when she joined the military and the loyalty to her friends and her beliefs.

Charles stood and walked towards Murrue, who looked completely saddened by just recalling the events, and gave her a hug. It was a very paternal hug, something Murrue hadn't felt in a long time. Elizabeth came over and joined the hug, all feeling a little less pain. They stood like that for a few minutes, just letting the time slide away with the pain.

"What brought about some of your closure," Charles asked, hoping that he and Elizabeth would both get a little more closure.

"Charles, it is getting late, perhaps we should let the girl get some rest. She can continue tomorrow," Elizabeth said, finally realizing the time.

"Murrue, you are welcomed to come back tomorrow to continue," Charles offered.

**AT A LOCAL HOTEL**

Murrue sat at the desk in the room, she was exhausted, but was worried that nightmares from the wars. So she did the one thing she could think of, she called Mu.

"Hey, Mu, I needed someone to talk to." Murrue was glad the Mu answered the phone; he was the one person who had helped her when she faced this grief. Hell, the man offered to come to the Badgiruel residence, to offer emotional support to Murrue.

"Sure, about what. Don't tell me you miss me already it has only been two days." God she loved this man. He found a way to make light out of the most terrible situations.

"I am having doubts about showing Natarle's parents the video. What if it doesn't help? Do they need to know," Murrue tried to disguise the sadness in her voice.

"But what if it does, if they don't learn the truth then they may never find closure. Just think about it, honey," Mu said, Murrue could almost feel Mu's presence.

"I will, thanks Mu. I love you. I will see you in a few days," Murrue said. After a few minutes between the two lovers, Murrue sat in bed. She had made up her mind; she knew what she was going to do.

AN: A short chapter. If I can get the next chapter up tonight I will update it then, but if not it will be up on Tuesday. Gotta go out of town tomorrow. Please review. And thanks to kookith, Byron Lancaster, CrimsonHowls, and kkorrnelia for your reviews.


	5. The Past Comes Back

Time to Heal

Chapter 5: The Past Comes Back

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything pertaining to the Gundam franchise.

Notes: Part of this chapter is written in back during the Bloody Valentine War.

_*BLAM*_

_*BLAM*_

_*BLAM*_

_*BLAM*_

"_Murrue Ramius, FIRE!"_

Murrue jumped up in the bed. For the first time in a long time, Murrue had a nightmare for the video. She looked at her alarm clock, 1:30. '_Damn, it is going to be a long night,'_ she thought to herself_._ She grabbed her laptop and subconsciously opened the video. As she watched her friend stand up against a monster, she couldn't help but feel happy that Natarle had finally stood up for her beliefs, not that of the military. The gunshots still caused her to jump a little. _'She took four shots and still fought the bastard.'_

Even if the _Dominion_ wasn't destroyed and Azrael was stopped, Natarle's chances of surviving would have been very slim. That she knew because she had asked one of the doctors on the_ Archangel_ after watching the film for a few times. The doctor said that Natarle's small intestine had been hit, the artery in her shoulder had been nicked, her tibia had been shattered, she would have had some nerve damage in her left arm, and she would have possibly had broken ribs from being thrown into her chair. Murrue had hoped if she were under the same circumstances that her resolve would be as strong.

_'Would they want to know that their daughter had been viciously attacked by that monster? What would it he- '_

*BLOOP*

Murrue looked at her computer she had a message from Arnold Neumann.

"Ma'am, we just found some older videos. They are from the _Dominion_. I just sent them to you," the younger man said. He looked about as sad as she felt. Arnold admired Natarle, probably loved her, but she will never know. He wouldn't know if she felt the same, no one would.

"Thanks, Arnold. How are you holding up? This must be hard on you, I'm sorry I am putting you through this," Murrue apologized.

"No problem, what are you talking about?" Arnold asked as he tried to hide his feelings.

"Let's just say that your poker face needs some work, Arnold. Everyone knew how you felt about her; it is ok to admit how you feel."

"I loved her, I was going to tell her when she left the ship at Alaska. She left before I could tell her," the man said, eyes brimmed with tears.

"I think she knew, Arnold. She was a smart woman. I think she felt the same about you, but she, like you, never got to tell you."

"Thank you, Murrue. I appreciate this," Arnold said before stopping the transmission.

She begun to look at the videos that Neumann sent to her._ 'Nine more videos, oh well, I have plenty of time.' _Murrue clicked on the oldest video. She didn't want to see the latest video, the one made on September 27, the same day Natarle died.

**JUNE 20, CE 71**

Natarle sat at her computer; she knew that the war was reaching its climax. Both ZAFT and the EA had lost a majority of its troops at JOSH-A. It was only a matter of time until one side got fed up and used weapons of mass destruction. She only hoped it wouldn't reach that point.

She hoped that with the _Dominion_ that she could help end the war. She finally made Commander, but she had only hoped that it would have happened differently. She wished that the _Archangel _hadn't gone AWOL, all of her friends becoming traitors.

Natarle started recording a video; her way to make sure her family would get the real news of the war. She looked at the picture at her desk, one of her and her parents at her commissioning ceremony. '_Well now is the time to start_.'

"Hey Mom and Dad. I just wanted to let you know that I finally got a warship. It is almost like the _Archangel_, but the electronic system is amazing. Mom, you would love the tech on board this ship. Dad, do you remember William Sutherland? It turns out that I am going to be put under his command, the _Doolittle _and the _Dominion_ who would guess that this would have happened.

"The _Archangel_ survived JOSH-A and are fighting alongside Orb. Since they have gone into space we don't know where it went. I am hoping that I could see everyone again, hopefully before they are captured. Well I am going to meet these new members of my crew; we might do some drills to prepare for the battles that I am expecting to be put in. I hope to see both of you soon. Bye."

Natarle shut down the video and saved it to her hard drive. She couldn't send it yet because it would put her career at risk. She exited her room and headed to meet the people that would be under her care and supervision, hoping that this time things would be different. She would be a kinder captain than she was an XO that was for sure.

**PRESENT TIME**

Murrue looked at the screen, shocked. Natarle had hoped to see everyone again; she really didn't want to fight. It saddened Murrue to think that Natarle never got to send this video to her family; they never knew that she wanted to keep them in the loop. How long was it until her parents found out that she had gotten that promotion? She clicked on the video that was made on July 3.

**JULY 3, CE 71**

Natarle had a major headache. Not only did her crew continue to lose battle scenarios, but she is in charge of babysitting a politician, Muruta Azrael. Not only is he a politician he is the alleged leader of Blue Cosmos. Even she couldn't stand for their extreme hatred for the Coordinators. He probably noticed this because of his looks when the Admiral introduced her as the XO of the _Archangel_. He knew Natarle had allowed a Coordinator to work with the Earth Alliance. His condescending look at her just pissed her off. Damn, politics and her higher-ups. She didn't want to have to explain her actions to some suit; he probably never even held a gun before.

That wasn't even the top of the iceberg, really. The Earth Alliance has started experiments on kids, trying to make Natural Coordinators. They listed these three kids as biological CPUs; they are not even listed as pilots. She will never forget their names, Orga, Shani, and Clotho

She booted up her computer and started up the video program.

"Hey Mom, Dad. There are some new developments here that both of you will be interested to hear. Muruta Azrael, the leader of Blue Cosmos, is now on the _Dominion_. They put a damn politician on my battleship. He came with three new machines. But the machines don't worry me it is the pilots. They are not listed as pilots and all their history has been wiped. Azrael is sending me on a hunt after the _Archangel_; we are heading towards Mendel Colony on the word of one of his informants. I don't like this at all, but it seems like I am going to see everyone again, just not the way I was hoping. I hope I can convince everyone to surrender so that I can help fight the charges against them. I now know that Alaska was a ticking time bomb, once ZAFT landed the base exploded. Murrue was lucky enough that the new mobile suits came and lead them out. I realize how good I had it on the _Archangel_ because I am working with a crew who are all still green. I miss Arnold, not only was he good at his job, he was real good to me. I think I love him, but I am afraid he doesn't feel the same way. I wished I had told him at Alaska, but it is too late now. I guess that is it for today. Love both of you. Bye."

Natarle ended the video and stayed at her desk contemplating how she can help Arnold, Murrue, Mu, and everyone else. '_This is going to get really tough. I don't want to fight them,_' Natarle thought as she started to cry. '_Duty or friends, is this how you felt Kira?_'

**PRESENT TIME**

Murrue couldn't help but to start to cry. Natarle knew something was going to happen, but she just wished it wouldn't. '_I am so sorry, Natarle. If I could have helped you out I would have. _'Murrue would have to let Arnold know that Natarle really felt the same way about him.

Murrue clicked on the next video, July 12. The day of the battle between the sister ships.

**To be continued…**

**AN: **I would have typed up more but it is getting late. I wanted to add some Arnold X Natarle, because they are a good couple and just flow together. Weird that Natarle is one of the few reoccurring characters that didn't have any relationship developments. Please review. And thanks to kookith, Byron Lancaster, CrimsonHowls, and kkorrnelia for your reviews.


	6. Through Her Eyes

Time to Heal

Chapter 6: Through Her Eyes

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything pertaining to the Gundam franchise.

**JULY 12, CE 71**

Natarle was absolutely depressed and fuming. '_Why did he have to speak up? We shouldn't have had to fight. I could have convinced Murrue to just work with me to end this war, or at least let me fight alongside her to help her. With our battle strategy this war will be a lot shorter. This whole battle could have been over before it started. Is this why they gave my Azrael? To tighten my leash, so I don't return to the _Archangel._ Damn them to hell for making me fight my old comrades. _' Natarle started the video, figuring that if she needed to vent she would do it on video.

"Hey Mom, Dad. Today I realized that the military is changing. I don't like it at all. They are not interested in trying to make peace; they just want us to fight blindly. I finally saw them today, but my work towards a ceasefire between us didn't work. I think they put Azrael on my ship to make sure I destroy the _Archangel_; he stopped my talk with Murrue by launching his mobile suits. One of the girls from the _Archangel _was sent to the _Dominion_ via a lifepod from a ZAFT ship. She was captured at Alaska and had been with le Creuset since then. She had something with her, but Azrael took it before anyone knew what it was. 'The key to end this war,' is what she called it. What do you think it could be, dad? Dear god, don't let it help them use nukes, if that happens… "

*knock*

Forgetting about the video, Natarle said, "Come in."

Flay walked in, she had changed into the Alliance uniform. "Natarle…," was all she could get out before she burst into tears. The girl had been extremely emotional, but who could blame her; until recently she believed that nearly everyone she had known had been killed. It was a shock to her system and her emotional state showed it. Natarle embraced the girl, still feeling awkward; she was never good at these kinds of things, Murrue was.

"It will be ok. Did you get some stuff for yourself," Natarle asked, she had given the girl permission to get personal items with her military ID.

"Yes, thank you," the girl said still crying.

Natarle remembered the video. _'Oh, crap. I didn't turn it off.'_

"This is Flay, she is new on the ship and had been on the _Archangel_ before JOSH-A. Well, I guess I have to go. Bye." Natarle shut off the recording, and then turned to Flay, who looked completely confused.

"It is a video log for my parents; I am going to send them it at the end of the war. I figured that they will need to know what really went on, the Alliance will issue out a cover story to the news stations." Natarle explained to the girl who looked a little less confused now.

"Oh, I never knew you were on good terms with your family."

"I am, although it is sometimes stretched, because of some of the things I am doing, especially now."

"What do you mean?"

"Working for that Blue Cosmos bastard, Azrael. My dad feels that their beliefs are too extreme in order to accomplish peace. What is the point of peace when half the population is killed off; when members of the military are prosecuted for murder of civilians, by the thousands."

The girl looked down, not knowing how to respond to the older woman's comment. Natarle had changed, she wasn't "by the books" like she had been. Flay wondered what had caused her to change so much in a little amount of time.

"Well, I guess I should go back to my room, thanks again, Captain Badgiruel," Flay said, feeling a little uncomfortable because of the change in the older woman's attitude.

"Good night, Flay," the older woman said. When she had left Natarle laid in bed worrying about that disk, if it had information about nukes this war would be a massacre.

**PRESENT TIME**

After that battle, Murrue wondered if Natarle felt the same as she did. But now she knew, in fact, Natarle had seemed to feel worse than she did. Angry, but not at Murrue, at the military. Natarle had understood that the military had changed into and where the leadership was focused on, the extermination of Coordinators. Natarle disliked ZAFT, but she didn't have major problems with the Coordinators. She looked at the time 3:00 am. '_I still have time to watch the rest of the videos._' She clicked on the next video, July 16.

**JULY 16, CE 71**

Natarle couldn't help but re-read the memo issued out to her in the morning. The title was _N-Jammer Canceler. _She was horrified, it could only mean one thing, the Earth Alliance would be able to use nukes, making the possible death toll, if Blue Cosmos had their way, well into the billions. She only hoped that the old warhorses would step up and take control of the military. She didn't know what could happen next, either she and her unit would be sent with nukes to the PLANTS or the military would make an example and then offer a truce. It reminded Natarle about a scenario she had read about in a military history class, Hiroshima and Nagasaki, Japan and the atomic bombs. She hoped both scenarios would never come about.

Natarle started the recording and tried to hide the disgust that she was feeling with her superiors.

"I have to tell both of you something and neither of you will like it. The Earth Alliance has finally obtained the N-Jammer Canceler, but they will more than like use it to create nukes instead of helping the energy problems on Earth. I don't have the heart to tell Flay that we will be sent to start a campaign of extermination and we will be forced to destroy the _Archangel_. I hope I can prevent the latter from happening, if we can help them end this war they will know that not every member of the military are extremists, like some of the admirals. If I not, Murrue will understand that I am fighting for the sake of my crew, not for the sake of Blue Cosmos. I believe that our target will be the PLANTS, if that is the case what should I do? Follow orders blindly for the sake of my crew or fight for what I believe in and put everyone on board at risk. I won't be able to live with innocent blood on my hands, but I can't live with the blood of my crew on my hands, either. Shit, I don't know anymore. I guess that when the time comes I will act on instinct, I just hope it ends in less bloodshed."

Natarle shut down for the night and started to pray that when the time comes she would do what was right.

**PRESENT TIME**

Just the video had caused Murrue to become upset, Natarle's desire to stop the war with less bloodshed had ended with the death of most of her crew and herself. She started the next video.

**SEPTEMBER 11**, **CE 71**

It was a day that Natarle had hoped would never come; she had received an order to proceed with Operation Elvis. This order would start by attacking various ZAFT bases then to launch a full scale nuclear bombardment of the PLANTS. This order would start a massacre that she would never forgive herself for participating in.

"They just issued an order to start a nuclear bombardment. There is no way I can go along with this. I have to do something. I can't let this ship be involved with the death of billions. My crew will understand what I am doing, if not then, later. Half of her crew was fresh out of college, high school, or basic training they wouldn't be able to live with themselves if they do this. If the PLANTS doesn't try to prevent our attack I will be surprised. I just hope it isn't with more nukes. I hope Murrue can help end this war. If not no one will be alive after all this is done with. Dad, you are probably asking what it would take to open my eyes well here it is, this damn operation."

Natarle went to walk around the ship. She saw the naïve soldiers, who believed that following orders was as important as breathing, and wondered how they would respond to this operation. She realized that she was like that and cursed herself blindly following orders. She saw Flay with the other members of the bridge, all blissfully unaware that the madman that is on the bridge was starting a final campaign against the Coordinators. Would they follow the lead of their captain or follow orders from the top? Only time would tell.

**PRESENT TIME**

Murrue looked at the final four videos, knowing the event that corresponds with the dates, Boaz, the first use of GENESIS, and two from before Yakin Due. Murrue knew the outcome of each event, but she was still wondering how Natarle responded to Boaz and GENESIS.

AN: I'm back! Each video log made by Natarle was sent to the _Archangel _before the second battle of Yakin Due. But no one has seen them except Murrue. Hope you enjoy this chapter and more to come tomorrow. Thanks for the reviews.


	7. Revolution

Time to Heal

Chapter 7: Revolution

DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything pertaining to the Gundam franchise.

**SEPTEMBER 23, CE 71**

'_That man thinks he's a saint, people like him send the commanders to impossible missions._' Natarle couldn't help but feel disgust at the thought of Azrael. She felt like she had done an injustice to her crew and mankind by allowing the Alliance to do this. They are the enemy, but they are still human. She didn't care if took her command from her as long as she convinced someone to see that what they are doing is wrong. She turned on the computer.

"Both of you need to know that today we attacked Boaz, but we used nukes. According to early calculations by ZAFT is that nearly 7,500 soldiers have been killed today. I would be surprised If ZAFT doesn't retaliate with nukes or something worse. I just hope that today put some doubt into the members of the Alliance; they need to question orders now more than ever. This isn't something that any soldier signs up for and I can't stand idly by as this happens. Azrael was amazed at the downfall of Boaz, I wonder if he thinks about the consequences of what we have just done. Not only have we put humanity at risk, but we have just made the Alliance look like monsters. The bridge was quiet when we left the battlefield; everyone else knew what we had just done, except that monster. Flay, the girl from a while ago, is extremely scared. She knows that something else will happen. We both just hope we stop it before humanity is lost. What would happen if this ship deserted today, would we look like heroes or traitors?"

She stopped the recording and thought about today. There is no way that ZAFT won't strike back, the Alliance was lucky when they didn't retaliate after Junius Seven. Would ZAFT attack the Alliance fleet or would they just strike Earth. She would stop any attack against Earth but she believes that maybe the Alliance needed an example of what would happen because of nukes.

**PRESENT TIME**

'_So that is how Natarle felt about the attack. I never got to see her after Mendel._' Murrue felt happy that Natarle felt terrible about the alliance using the nukes. That meant that at that point she wasn't too far gone, she didn't need Azrael to pull the gun to react against the injustices he had done. Natarle had changed and hoped that her crew had changed. Boaz had caused Natarle to think about deserting, but Murrue wanted to know if GENESIS would cause her to think about stopping that genocidal maniac. She opened the next video.

**SEPTEMBER 26, CE 71**

"Goddamn psycho!"

Natarle hoped someone had heard her shouting and she hoped that she was not the only one feeling the same. Estimates of the death toll were well over 10,000 and Natarle felt responsible for every death. She hadn't stopped the use of nukes within her group of ships and they used those nukes on Boaz. Low and behold, ZAFT had created a monstrous device, GENESIS, and used it on the two fleets that were sent to attack Yakin Due and the PLANTS. She could have prevented some of the deaths, if that bastard had allowed them to provide help to the damaged ships. She got the video program started she didn't know if she could this without crying. She had lost people and it was all her fault.

"ZAFT has just used a weapon against us today; it destroyed most of the two attacking fleets. I am responsible for the deaths of 10,000 soldiers. I couldn't stop the use of nukes and now members of my fleet are paying for it with their lives. Radiation from the attack is causing more deaths to occur. Azrael wants the rest of the fleet to attack again, but if we do then we will be wiped out. Azrael is making this harder than it has to be, we could be fighting alongside the A_rchangel, _but he is focusing on destroying the PLANTS, not that weapon. He won't let our ship help the injured on other ships; he says that we don't have time. How can we not have time to help those that can still be saved? When I offered to provide assistance he called me 'stupid woman', like a little kid he is just scared and lashing out. The rest of the war is going to be like this death and destruction; I have to think about what I need to do to help end this with less bloodshed. I need to go and survey the damage to the rest of the fleet and see what repairs can be done in the short amount of time."

Natarle left the room and went to see how Flay was doing. She had seen how scared Flay had been when they left the battlefield. She knocked on the girl's door, "Flay…"

"Come in," she could barely hear through the steel doors and headed in. Flay was sitting up in the bed, eyes bloodshot, she had been crying.

"Flay, I came by to see how you were holding up. I know that what you saw was extremely frightening, hell it scared me. But if you need to talk I am her for you," Natarle said as she gave the girl a supportive hug.

"It scared me, but I knew you would know what to do. How much longer do you think we will be fighting? I don't think it could last much longer," the girl said. Natarle could see that the girl had grown up a lot since she had last been on the _Archangel_. Maybe she had seen enough death to make her grow up.

"I won't allow it to continue for much longer something has to be done, someone has to be stopped. If we don't stop the war soon there will be no one left to enjoy the peace."

Flay stared at amazement at Natarle, was she standing up against the Alliance or was she going to go all out against ZAFT? Flay hoped that the latter wasn't the one Natarle was thinking about. Natarle had changed and in a good way, It was something she had noticed when Natarle started to treat her as a little sister.

"Thank you, Natarle, for everything."

"It isn't a problem. I should have done something a long time ago. In fact I should be thinking you. If you hadn't come on the _Dominion_ I would be like the other captains, blind to the injustice we have been doing. Thank you," Natarle bowed to the girl. She knew what to do.

**PRESENT TIME**

So that's what the monster had done. Azrael hadn't allowed for the injured to get better treatment on board the _Dominion_. Natarle hated herself for allowing so many of her subordinates to be killed in retaliation for something that she could have stood up against. '_Two more, they are both marked September 27. What was Natarle thinking on the morning of the final battle? Had she guessed she wouldn't survive or what? _' She clicked on the second to last video. '_Here goes, what were you thinking Natarle._'

**SEPTEMBER 27, CE 71**

_'This is it, the battle that will decide the victor and how history will be written. Depending on the outcome either side could be heroes or villains.' _Natarle hadn't slept; she couldn't because she knew that she needed to intervene today. Would she stop Azrael or go against the entire Alliance. She started the computer and finally knew what to do.

"Mom, Dad, I know what needs to be done. Although both of you will disagree with what I'm going to do. I am going to stop Azrael today so that peace can be achieved. I don't care what happens after I start, but I know that I won't stop until he is stopped. I might get killed on sight for this type of treason, but I will be able to face my friends, my crew, and the rest of the family with a little less blood on my hands. I am going to protect my crew and the Earth. I am going to do what the kid did, I am going to fight for my friends even if it kills me. If I don't see you again I hope you know that I love both of you and I didn't let the 12,500 soldiers die in vain. I will help stop this war."

Natarle shut off the video. Since she had started the videos she had just saved them to her computer to send to her parents later, but she knew what to do with them. She used the backdoor into the _Archangel_ mainframe, something she would have to thank Arnold for, and saved them on the database there. She hoped that if the something happened to her that Murrue would send the videos to her parents. She has the cameras on the bridge recording since Boaz; each recording would automatically save onto the _Archangel_'s database after a minute, keeping the video as up to date.

Natarle sat at the computer; she had one piece of business left to do. She started another video.

"Murrue…"

**TO BE CONTINUED**

AN: To clear up some confusion. Arnold has not seen the nine videos, only the one of Natarle's death. I realized that in episode 49 Natarle had seemed a little extreme, I don't think that Natarle was an extremist. But hey she is my favorite character in the Gundam Seed series, so I am a little biased. Oh well. Thanks for the reviews and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I will update tomorrow. Thanks


	8. Death

Time to Heal

Chapter 8: Death

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything pertaining to the Gundam franchise.

CLARIFICATION: Natarle had seemed a little extreme when she started thinking about destroying the PLANTS. "I think everything will end if we destroy the PLANTS". It may have helped show that Natarle was changing into something she didn't like. That was the only part I didn't like about that episode. Now on with the story.

**SEPTEMBER 27, CE 71**

"I realized long ago that everything I have done until now has done nothing to help end this war sooner. Because I have followed orders blindly thousands of soldiers have been killed. I keep thinking about when I left at Alaska, you said you were grateful for my help. Now I need to tell you thank you. Thank you for opening my eyes and making me become a caring captain. Because of you I am doing something that I would have never thought of, treason.

Azrael has made me realize that if we continue to fight billions of people will die. I can't live with that on my conscious. I already have the deaths of thousands on my hands and I can't let my crew live with that either. That maniac needs to be stopped and I will be the one that will do it. I will see this as my responsibility to stop him to ensure that the Earth Alliance will seek change within its ranks. It will also be my way to provide the families of the soldiers some closure. I can tell them that their children did not die in vain. I don't know how Azrael will react to a coup but I don't think he will take it well. If I die trying to stop this monster I hope that you will be the one to stop him for me. I am sorry about everything Murrue. You were the best captain that I have had the pleasure to serve under. Thank you."

Natarle stopped the video and headed to the bridge, everything would stop today. The monsters that caused this war to begin would be stopped today.

**PRESENT TIME**

Murrue looked that the screen, tears streaming down her face. Natarle had felt like it was her duty to stop that bastard and she had a feeling that something bad would happen. Murrue felt like someone had lifted a weight off of her soldiers. Natarle had wanted to make sure that Azrael had died so that he could pay for what he had done. She had taken four bullets to stop him and the Lohengrin blast had done what Natarle needed. It helped clean the blood off Natarle's hands and to make members of the Alliance think about their actions. '_Thank you, Natarle. Two years of no knowing and this is exactly what I needed._'

Murrue looked at the clock, 6:45, and then sent Arnold the video from Natarle. He needed to know that Natarle cared for him; it would help him and help Natarle's family. It would allow them to talk with the man that their little girl grew to love. Murrue lay back on the bed and after a few minutes she fell asleep.

Murrue awoke to her alarm clock going off. It was 8:00; time to meet Natarle's parents for what would probably be the last time in a long time. She had to show them the videos, it was something Natarle had wanted to be done and it was Murrue's job as Natarle's former superior officer. Murrue proceeded to get dressed and drove to the small house. She walked to the door and knocked.

"Murrue, please come in," Elizabeth said, she looked like she slept poorly, Murrue didn't blame her. It wasn't every day that you learned that you daughter had been killed out of retaliation. Murrue came inside and sat on the couch from yesterday. Charles met the two women at the couch and sat. Murrue felt the need to fill the silence, so she started first.

"When I left yesterday I told you about some closure that I had gotten but I didn't get the chance to tell both of you about it. Then last night I finally got some more closure. Natarle had sent about ten videos from her time on the _Dominion_ to the _Archangel _each came from different dates except the last few. Natarle had made both of you videos to tell you about what was going on during the war," Murrue pulled the videos up. The couple watched their deceased daughter talk about the war and the man that would eventually cost her everything. After the videos, Murrue spoke up, "She also had this sent to the _Archangel_, it is a video from the bridge of the _Dominion_ and it shows how kind and strong your daughter was." As they watched their daughter stand up against that monster, Murrue could feel them beaming with happiness as their daughter stood up for her beliefs. The video cut off with a blinding light.

"Murrue, you do not know what this means to us. I believed for two years my daughter was killed for no reason. Now, I know that she realized what was being done was wrong and she stood up for what she thought was right. That man was a monster, and I am glad that he died. I can picture my daughter as a hero now. She helped you stop a person who thought peace could only be achieved with mass murder." Elizabeth spoke, her voice breaking up, tears in her eyes. "How about that man Natarle mentioned? Knowing Natarle he does not know how she felt about him. I would love to meet him, any man that would make my daughter happy should be treated like family."

"His name is Arnold Neumann. He was the pilot of the _Archangel_ and they both met each other at Heliopolis…"

**AN HOUR LATER**

After telling Charles and Elizabeth about Neumann and Natarle, Murrue prepared to leave, stopping at the door. "I need to give this to the both of you," Murrue pulled out a picture. It was a picture taken during the first war on the _Archangel_. Mu, Natarle, Arnold, Murrue, and other members of the crew were in the picture, Mu pushing Natarle and Murrue closer together. "It was the last picture we took before Alaska. She would want you to have it, she took her copy when she left at Alaska." Murrue proceeded to leave the house, she heard someone call out to her, "Murrue!" Murrue stopped dead in her tracks, Elizabeth ran up towards her and gave her a maternal hug, and Charles came up and joined in.

"Thank you, Murrue. The fact that you came here must have taken a lot of guts but you did it. Natarle told us that you were an honorable woman, I see now that she was correct. Thank you so much," Charles added in before opening the door for Murrue. "Natarle would like you to have this," Charles handed Murrue one of Natarle's caps from her uniform. Murrue knew that something like this would provide comfort; she kept Mu's when she thought he had died.

"Thank you, Charles, Elizabeth. Please if you need anything feel free to contact me. It is the least I could do for your hospitality," Murrue left the couple feeling like a brand new woman. She hadn't felt like this since before the start of the first war. She looked in the rearview mirror; she had to double check what she saw. She saw a ghostly figure of Natarle standing next to her parents, waving Murrue off.

**END**

**AN:** Sorry, I missed the deadline I made for myself. The end of my first story. I think I want to rewrite the second battle of Yakin Due. Maybe have some major NxN. So what do you think? Like it? Hate it? Well thanks for the reviews and be on the lookout for the next story. I don't know what the title should be, any ideas are appreciated.


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